ooo my poor abandoned bloggie...

i feel...like an update...for my own pleasure..i'm pretty sure no one will be checking out my blog any time soon.haha..i forgot that there was a time when i loooved to write...write about my life..write poems even..ooo so shy that...

what a year..starting on my advance diploma..has not been easy...the pressure of everyone expecting me to be great in my studies..which is a strange new feeling...i don't like it. everyone thinks i'm doing great all the time..sometimes i feel like yelling " HEY I go through rough times too trying to study!" oooo the stress level...oooo all time high towards finals..hmm i've never been anywhere near top in high school..haha...that was a fact...never...never had to worry much bout examz coz my parents themselves never expected that much out of me..haha..my high school friends can testify to that.and now..well things have changed...met up with one of my closest friend in high school recently and when i told her how things have changed in terms of my studies alone, she commented that i have grown up ..haha

starting on my new role as a leader...i wish i could look back and say that i am proud of how i have handled myself in the many situations that i have come across...but ahh i can't..

i know i know it's only august and i'm already looking back...tsk..it ain't good to look back too much i must say..

if all goes well i will leave for another country next year..sometimes i'm absolutely freaked out about it..sometimes i'm so happy and looking forward to it..then there are times when i dread it for all the things i have to leave behind..

i am so fickled...my mind is all over the place..sometimes not even long enough for me to make sense of what i'm thinking of ...

i am never one for change i must say. i like staying where i am...how i've been...unfortunately..life does not work that way..life has this habit of pulling the rug right out from beneath you that you will definately fall..just see how fast you stand back up..or jump back up? or maybe how long you sit there on your butt....and not get up.

sighh...

leadership should never become a chore right? it should never ever come down to that...it shouldn't even matter where i serve as long as i know who i'm serving right? and i serve a God who loves me and has never stopped loving me. it shouldn't matter...it shouldn't matter.........it shouldn't....

it doesn't...

right?